


I needed it to be you.

by AaliyahManira



Series: Solsken & Ryss [14]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Michael Nylander is a long suffering surrogate dad, kink to come, the author should be working on finals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21675730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AaliyahManira/pseuds/AaliyahManira
Summary: Nicke is gay. Nicke is gay and a virgin and Sasha's brain is just not built for all of that information.
Relationships: Nicklas Backstrom/Alexander Ovechkin
Series: Solsken & Ryss [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/961953
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	I needed it to be you.

**Author's Note:**

> Nicke's rookie season in the NHL.

Nicklas Bäckström makes it less than one summer in DC before he outs himself in a restaurant during a team dinner. He thought he was being discrete about checking out the waiter, but then again, no one is discrete at twenty. Greenie is on one side of him and Alex is talking to Sasha across the table on his other side when Fehr throws a French fry at him and tells him to stop creeping and take a picture because it’ll last longer. Nicke feels a wash of shame go through his stomach, but raises his chin, cocks his head, and glares.

“You have a problem with gay men, Eric?” he bites out, doing his best to keep his voice down and not acknowledge the way both of the Russian’s in the vicinity go very, very still. Eric immediately backtracks, pinned to his seat by Nicke’s murderous glare, and Nicke manages to forget about Alex and Sasha until he mentions that he’s a virgin and Alex nearly knocks the table over excusing himself. Nicke glances at Sasha for some kind of explanation, but just gets the usual ‘I don’t speak English’ shrug and an apologetic half-smile.

The shame in Nicke’s stomach intensifies and it’s pure spite that has him getting up and going to get the waiter’s number. Nicke tells himself it’s because he’s cute and that he won’t sleep with him if he doesn’t like him, but he knows that it isn’t true. He drops the money for his meal on the table on the way out of the restaurant and is half-way home when Alex makes it back to the table.

The season opener against the Thrashers is less than a week away when Nicke finaly has time to go out with the waiter—Aiden—and the only reason he doesn’t cancel is because he’s still angry. It’s not that the date isn’t _fun_ , because it is, but Nicke feels dirty the entire night for being out with someone that isn’t Sasha and he’s so busy being angry at Sasha for making him feel the way he does that he doesn’t realize Aiden’s trying to get handsy in the back of their taxi. Nicke pushes his hand away once, twice, and then a third time before he finally snaps at him and tells him no loud enough that the taxi driver glances at them in the rearview mirror. Nicke expects that to be the end of it, but it isn’t, and he leaves the taxi driver an enormous tip for slamming on the breaks and kicking Aiden out of the car on some random side street before rerouting and taking him to Alex’s house.

Nicke isn’t sure why that’s where he goes, but it is, and before he knows it, he’s standing on Alex’s front step with the porch light in his eyes, waiting for him to put on pants and answer the door.

“Kolya?” Sasha says, voice rough like he hasn’t spoken in a while but not thick like he’s been sleeping. Nicke immediately drops his gaze and stares down at his feet, regret making his eyes water and sting. Alex says his name again and then recoils when Nicke looks up at him, eyes visibly red from crying in the taxi and cheeks flushed with anger.

“Why did you have to make a scene? I know Russia is not Sweden but if you don’t like that I’m gay you should just say instead of embarrass me,” Nicke says, the combination of tears and frustration making his accent so thick that the words take Sasha a minute to parse. He’s confused, visibly, for several seconds, until he realises the way that his reaction in the restaurant must have looked. He drags Nicke inside and paces the length of his kitchen as he tries to think of the best way to explain himself, but Nicke just keeps talking and he’s about half-way through telling Sasha how he went on a date with Aiden and he didn’t like that Nicke wouldn’t let him touch in the back of the taxi so he had to have the taxi driver kick him out, when Sasha freezes and turns his head to look at Nicke.

“You don’t want him to touch you?” Sasha asks, choosing each word carefully. Nicke rolls his eyes so hard it looks painful and shifts, feeling himself blush.

“I didn’t really want to lose my virginity in the back of a taxi to some random asshole with no respect,” Nicke says, staring at his hands. He takes a deep breath and sounds almost pouty when he adds, “I was going to spite fuck him, but he was a dick.”

“You were… spite fuck?” Sasha repeats, shaking his head, “I only know this word because Sasha use it. Why you have sex with random waiter for spite if you never do before?”

Sasha knows that he sounds very, very concerned and that he’s probably going to embarrass himself by telling Nicke how in love with him he is if he isn’t careful, but he can’t help himself.

“You make me feel like nothing when you hear I’m a virgin and you judge me for being gay. Did it to spite you, so you would not make fun of me. You were _mean_ ,” Nicke half-pouts, throwing his hands up in exasperation and failing to notice the way that Sasha is looking at him. Sasha knows exactly what he wants to say and how he needs to say it, in Russian, but he has no idea where to start in English. Instead of trying to figure it out, he closes the distance between them and takes Nicke’s face gently in his hand, moving slowly so Nicke has time to pull away or say no before he kisses him. When their mouths meet, it’s gentle, and Sasha’s hands are gentle on Nicke’s head too, so he doesn’t feel like he’s being made to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Nicke tenses for a second and then melts, sliding down off of his stool to press himself closer to Sasha and making a soft little sound into his mouth when he backs him gently up against the counter. The kiss doesn’t end until they both have to breathe, and Sasha has to look away from Nicke’s mouth to remember that there were more things he needed to say.

“Had to leave, Kolya,” Sasha says slow and deliberate so that he doesn’t mess up. The words are hard to string together when he looks at him, but he can’t resist, “wanted you for months. Since draft day and can’t take when you say you gay and a virgin. I’m… I want you. I want to be boyfriend, give you kisses and give you good first time and I never think I can have and is too much.”

“You…” Nicke starts, eyes wide and face red. He mulls over the words for a second and then shakes his head, “I need to call Michael. I don’t have the words I need for this and there is no way you said what I think you said.”

Sasha stares at Nicke and doesn’t even try to follow his very fast Swedish. Nicke grabs his phone and dials Nylander, then spits information out at him before he even says hello, and Sasha just takes to puttering around in the kitchen making tea since he isn’t sure what else to do. Nicke says his name a few minutes later and he comes back to stand in front of him without hesitating. The call is still connected, and Michael is on speaker, but he doesn’t make any noise until Nicke tells him to.

“Nicke thinks that you are lying to him,” Michael says, making Nicke squawk. Sasha assumes it means both that it’s true and that Michael wasn’t supposed to tell him, but doesn’t have time to think much more about it because Michael keeps talking, “He thinks that because you date a lot of women and he has never seen you with a man that you must be setting him up so you can make fun of him. He is also very insecure.”

Nicke squawks again but pouts instead of trying to argue it and Sasha takes a mental picture of his pouty face so that he always has it, just in case this conversation goes differently than he thinks it will. Sasha starts to explain himself and gets about three sentences in before he realizes that he’s speaking a weird combination of Russian and English and stops himself to start over again.

“Can like men and women and I always do. Love Nicke for a long time and never mean for him to think I’m judge him or be angry that he gay or because he never have sex before,” Sasha says, trying hard to pick out the right words and wishing that he had friends that would translate for him and not tease him for the rest of his natural life.

“You _left the room_ Alex!” Nicke yells, and the sound startles Sasha backwards. He slips back into Swedish to exchange several long sentences with Michael and Sasha stands stupidly in front of him, imagining that if he were a cat, his fur would be standing on end.

“Nicklas would like to know how you think he was supposed to feel when you left the room after he said that he was gay,” Michael says after a minute, sounding more fed up with their antics by the second, “He knows that Russia handles homosexuality differently than Sweden and that many Russian’s don’t have very good views on queer people. It has been eating at him—bothering him—since it happened. And he says that you made fun of him for being a virgin.”

“Made fun?” Sasha squeaks, shaking his head and then screaming into his hands and pinching the bridge of his nose, “left the room because I’m almost embarrass myself because I’m so happy. Been in love with you and thought I never can have because I’m a man. And then you say maybe is not as… rare? No. (unlikely, Michael supplies helpfully from the counter) as I think.”

“And the virgin thing?”

“Made me happy. Never mean to make because I’m want to make fun. Don’t like to think that someone else touch you, maybe teach you to hide or make you feel bad when you should always feel good. Is maybe a little wrong of me, but I like it,” Sasha says, blushing himself for the first time. Michael translates for Nicke, correcting the mistakes Sasha made as best he can so that Nicke will understand and then answering whatever question Nicke asks. Nicke says something that makes Michael groan like he’s dying and Sasha can practically see the look on his face through the phone. Nicke turns a pretty shade of pink and Sasha decides he loves it. He waits patiently for Michael to ask him whatever it is that make Nicke that colour so he can appreciate it even more.

“He wants to know it you’re, um… you said you weren’t mean to make fun of him and he… He wants me to ask you if you are kinky? If you like a little pain and… you know what kinky means, you’re friends with Semin. He doesn’t know if he is, but he wants to find out and it’s important to him that he know if you would be okay with that,” Michael says. Sasha wants to buy him a boat and wants to scream into the sun and maybe also take Nicke to bed and never let him leave. Instead, he nods.

“Yes, am definitely that,” he says, visibly proud of himself for showing restraint and looking at Nicke like he wants to eat him up. Michael and Nicke talk for a few seconds and Nicke whines when Michael cuts him off to address Alex.

“You two are on the same page and I am not translating for you so that you can figure out how to stop wearing your asses for hats. Goodnight,” and the line goes dead, leaving Nicke staring at his feet and Sasha staring at Nicke.

“Be right back,” Sasha says, going back to collect their fully steeped tea and bringing both mugs to the counter. He presses Nicke’s into his hands and watches Nicke restrain his surprise enough to say thank you. Nicke takes a drink and Sasha does too, letting a beat of silence stretch out between them before he puts his mug down and rubs his hands on his thighs.

“Owe you an apology, Kolya. Not hate gays and not make fun because be a virgin is a bad thing. I’m accidentally make you think bad stuff because I’m love you a lot and want a lot but can’t say,” Sasha says, staring at his hands in his own lay so that he won’t have to look at Nicke while his face heats up.

“It’s… it’s okay,” Nicke says quietly, turning his mug in his hands and staring down at his tea, “it was… what’s the… misunderstanding? You were happy and I thought the worst because you are from Russia. Was not fair of me either.”

“NHL is bad like Russia for people like us. But maybe one day when we big stars and they can’t touch us, we come out and change things,” Sasha says, sticking his leg out to still Nicke’s swinging feet.

“You will have gotten tired of me before then,” Nicke says softly, miserably. Sasha is off of his barstool and planting himself between Nicke’s knees before Nicke even manages to look up.

“Never be tired of you. Never tired of pretty face or how mean you are to me. And if that kiss I just get says anything, I’m never be tired of kisses either,” Sasha says, making Nicke put down his mug and sinking one hand into his curls to pull him in for a tight hug. Nicke tenses for a moment, like he isn’t sure what to make of Sasha’s reaction, but relaxes into it a second later, tucking his face into Sasha’s neck. Sasha holds him tightly and rubs at his scalp so he’ll stay relaxed, squeezing Nicke around the middle when he feels him shudder like he wants to cry.

“You will, you’ll get tired of me and I won’t be so cute and you won’t like that I’m mean to you and I won’t be a virgin forever, so you won’t like that,” Nicke says, still hiding his face until he hears Sasha’s startled laugh.

“I’m hope not,” Sasha says, kissing Nicke’s jaw and then the soft spot under his ear, kind of hoping you maybe decide to let me make you not a virgin sometime.”

“You… what?” Nicke says, pulling back and searching Sasha’s face.

“Mean it. Not for a while, if you need, but would… would like for it to be me, not random waiter who try to touch you in dirty taxi or someone who not gonna know how to take care of you,” Sasha says, looking a little more shy with Nicke staring right at him. Nicke opens his mouth three times and makes broken little noises like he’s trying to say something, so Sasha waits him out, playing with his hair while he searches for the words that he wants.

“I don’t… I…” Nicke frowns and wrinkles up his whole face. Sasha can’t resist the urge to kiss the wrinkle between his eyebrows, so he doesn’t, and the colour on Nicke’s cheeks deepens, “I meant… I won’t be as… you like that I am a virgin. You won’t like me when I’m not.”

“Think you maybe misunderstand a little,” Sasha says, stroking Nicke’s cheek with his thumb and pressing a reverent kiss to his forehead, “I’m like that no one else touch you, teach you bad habits, not take care of you right. Have nothing to do with virgin or not and everything to do with how I’m selfish.”

“You’re… selfish? Sasha, you are not making any sense,” Nicke says, sounding like he might be exasperated if he wasn’t so distracted by the way Sasha is touching him.

“Selfish because I’m glad no one else is ever get to see or touch you, never get to hear pretty sounds you make. No one else get to have, only me, if you let me,” Sasha says, careful not to forget the most important part. He needs it to be Nicke’s decision, needs him to know that it’s his choice and that he would never take anything Nicke wasn’t ready and willing to give. Nicke licks his lips and blinks slowly at Sasha, trying to piece together what he’s saying.

“Selfish… because you want me all to yourself? Because you don’t want to share?” Nicke repeats, watching Sasha’s face to see if he’s right.

“Never want to share,” Sasha says softly, the moment suddenly becoming very intimate and very intense. Nicke swallows hard and brings his hand up to cup Sasha’s cheek, shaking almost imperceptibly.

“You… you are saying that you want to touch me? Keep me as yours?” Nicke asks, still watching for any sign that Sasha is lying. Sasha laughs softly and closes his eyes to lean forward and rest his forehead against Nicke’s.

“I want to much more than to touch you, Nicklas,” Sasha says in Russian, eyes closed and voice barely a whisper. After a second, he takes a deep breath and pulls back to look Nicke in the eyes, “I would love to have you and keep you. Long as you want me. Long as you let me.”

“You want… you are serious?” Nicke asks, not moving away but clearly skeptical, “you want a relationship? With me?”

“Of course I do,” Sasha says, moving away and looking a little hurt, “Kolya, I love you. Have for a long time. Don’t want to just be fun, throw away when it get hard and find something new. I’m want… want forever. Want as long as you give me.”

“I… Sasha, I have never done this before. There is no way that you are going to want to put up with me. You will miss women and you will get tired of me and tired of me being insecure and you will leave,” Nicke says, getting softer as he goes, “And I would rather never have you than have to see you leave.”

Sasha freezes and barely resists the urge to scoop Nicke up and carry him away to somewhere safe. He’s still for so long that Nicke looks ashamed and like he’s going to get up and leave.

“Please, stay,” Sasha says, the gentlest words Nicke has ever heard him speak. He’s at a loss for what else to say, but that’s the important part and he gets a nod from Nicke when he manages to say it out loud, “I’m only leave you if you say you want me to. Won’t go away unless you ask and understand if you wanna go slow.”

Nicke sighs and sits back, scrubbing his face with both hands.

“You will. I don’t want you to leave ever but you will. We are very different and I do not want to… to hold you back,” Nicke says, eyes wet and voice thick.

“You won’t and if you ever do, I’m telling you and we figure it out together,” Sasha says, still gentle. Nicke looks at him and the tears he’s been holding back roll down his cheeks. Sasha is up off of his stool and pulling Nicke into another hug before Nicke has a chance to apologize for crying and Nicke sobs against Sasha’s chest when he feels the gentle kiss he presses against his curls, “You allowed to be scared. Allowed to not believe. Don’t need you to believe now, because I’m show you. Just need you to say yes and give me chance. Want to kiss you and hold you and take you for dates and spoil you and help you learn about kink and make sure you never have to be insecure. You beautiful and I’m never be mad if you say no to anything, but really want you say yes right now.”

Nicke cries into Sasha’s shirt for a few minutes, clinging to him and making a mess of himself while Sasha rubs his back and rocks them back and forth. He waits Nicke out, letting him decide when he’s ready to speak, and holds him tight. When Nicke takes a deep breath and sits up, he looks determined and tired. He nods slowly and Sasha holds his breath.

“Yeah, okay. We can… we can try,” he says, barely a whisper.

“Would really like to try,” Sasha says, a small smile spreading across his face. He kisses Nicke’s nose and tugs gently on a curl that’s fallen across his forehead, “you think maybe I’m give you kiss for the first time as boyfriend now?”

Nicke swallows hard and nods, staring at Sasha’s mouth like he wants to eat him and making a desperate little sound when the kiss he gets is nothing like the first one. Sasha holds him tight and coaxes his mouth open so that he can kiss him properly, hands digging possessively into his skin so there is no space between them. Nicke wraps tightly around Sasha and kisses back with all that he’s worth, trying to pour every bit of what he’s feeling into it and taking the way Sasha digs his fingers into his skin and pulls at his hair to mean that it’s working. When they break to catch their breath this time, Nicke rubs his face against Sasha’s neck like the big kitty he is and smiles.

“I love you too. I never said it back.”


End file.
